Managing Your Temper: An Important Element of
Business Success
Kansas City Small Business Monthly - 07.01
By Jim Dugan, Ph.D, Fortisan Group
A psychiatrist was furious about the
"restrictions
and red tape of
managed care."
She pledged,
"starting
immediately, I
will never see
one of their
patients again."
A CEO who had
been
instrumental in
resurrecting a
company from
bankruptcy flew
into a rage when
quizzed by an
employee over
some minor
expenses. A
computer
programmer vowed
never to help
his team again.
He felt team
members ignored
his
contributions
and claimed all
the glory for
themselves. Do
you know these
professionals?
Have you seen
these reactions
before? Does
your anger and
resentment
sometimes get
the best of you?
Now, anger is not an emotion to be totally
avoided or constantly suppressed. It is part of
our survival instinct and used judiciously, it
can spark creativity and determination. However,
if like the psychiatrist, CEO, and computer
programmer, you are under constant pressure and
stress, your anger can sometimes get the best of
you. Your decision-making becomes impaired, and
you can easily feel revengeful and act
spitefully. These out-of-control feelings are
not all that uncommon, according to Harvard
trained psychologist Daniel Goleman, Ph.D.,
author of two best selling books on emotions in
the workplace, Emotional Intelligence: Why It
Can Matter More Than IQ and Working With
Emotional Intelligence. Goleman contends that
"many of the bad things that happen in a company
are a function of impulsive behavior." Learning
to keep cool under fire is a crucial skill for
business success. Here are a few broad
suggestions to help you manage and regulate your
temper.
- Know your triggers. What is it that gets
your temper and resentment brewing? Is it not
enough sleep, too much caffeine, or are you over
committed? Is it, a customer's condescending or
sarcastic tone? Maybe, you are like the
psychiatrist, and your anger boils over when you
feel you have been dumped on? Or you may be more
like the CEO, whose anger explodes when he feels
unappreciated, or the computer programmer who
pouts when he feels left out? The first step in
learning to mange your temper and resentment is
to "pinpoint" the situations that prompt you to
lose your cool. Take a few minutes and write
down the top two or three triggers in your work
life. Writing them down helps you to reflect on
them, and puts them in sharper focus.
- Visualize yourself keeping calm. Picture
yourself, reacting calmly, and smoothly when you
are confronted with one of your triggers.
Imagine yourself relaxed, breathing easily,
listening calmly and patiently, and calculating
your response. This, of course, is easier said
then done, so be patient with yourself. After
all, you are trying to change long-standing,
automatic responses to very hot and intense
emotions. At first, you may feel your relaxed
pose is a pretense and just "masking" a growing
anger and resentment. That's OK, for a start.
"Pretend" and wear the "mask" until you can
"tune in" and decide how you want to respond. If
you are having trouble picturing yourself
staying calm, then maybe you picked a trigger
that for now, is too hot to handle. Try taking a
few deep breaths, saying a quick prayer, taking
a walk or personal "time out" or maybe listening
to some relaxing music. Now again picture
yourself staying calm, but this time select a
trigger that is a little less provocative. The
psychiatrist who was so angry about managed care
reported that after a quiet ride home, she
reconsidered her "hasty pronouncement." She
fulfilled all her patient care responsibilities
before terminating her contracts with managed
care.
- Develop some positive self-talk. Select some
positive affirmations that you can silently
repeat to yourself when you are confronted with
one of your triggers. Link the positive
self-talk with the calming picture or image of
yourself. Then repeat soothing statements to
yourself like "keep-cool, everybody faces
criticism, that's life," or "I am going to show
my staff how to keep cool under fire." If you
use these positive affirmations for the first
time when you are under attack, then they
probably won't help very much. Learning to keep
your cool takes practice.
- Practice makes better but not perfect- Brain and
adult learning research points out that the best
way to change impulsive responses is by
practicing appropriate responses. Remember when
you were learning to play the piano. You
practiced the scales over and over again each
day. You practiced so much that the notes came
automatically. The same principle works for
managing angry emotions. Practice as much as you
can, until cooling your temper becomes second
nature. Some business leaders have hired
executive coaches to help them practice, but if
you are not ready to do so, try practicing with
your teenage children. Teens are adept at
triggering angry reactions. If you don't one at
home, try borrowing one from a friend.
Managing your temper and resentments can have a
positive payoff for your business. Your
decision-making can become more potent, and your
organization free of destructive turf battles.
Your business will be more likely to experience
an upsurge in loyalty, trust and cooperation.
|
|
|
